Choices We Make
by crashjsx2
Summary: Derek has to choose between Meredith and Addison. Who will he choose and why? And who will win his heart in the end?


Pick me. That was the last words that came out of my mouth. I actually told him to choose me than his wife. To love me instead of her. I don't want to know what life would be without him and I do not want to find out. I always find a reason, a way to be in the same room with him. So here I am sitting at Joe's bar waiting for Mcdreamy to show up. A nickname that my friends use to describe him. I had one drink after another hoping the pain would disappear. Minutes felt like hours. Every time the door swung open my heart would stop and turn around hoping it would be him. That he chose me, that I was who he wanted to be with. But i was starting to believe that that was an answer that would never come nor satisfy me.  
"He's really not coming." I said to myself as i took another shot of tequila and asked Joe for another one. I saw as my friends looked on whispering little things about me that I swore that they called me pathetic. Me? Pathetic? Never would happen. Needy yes, Pathetic never. Why? Cause I demanded Derek to come to Joe's to pick me instead of his 11 year old wife. I was no way near pathetic. I just wanted an answer and I needed to know now. Cristina was making her way towards me as I finished my last shot.  
"Meredith, it has been a whole hour." She said as she sat at the stool next to me signaling Joe for a drink.  
"He'll be here. Trust me."  
"If he wanted to be here he would of been by now. Let's just go home."  
"Do you think I am pathetic?"  
"Pathetic?" She questioned.  
"Yes, Pathetic. I heard you whispering it before."  
"No I wasn't."  
"You and everyone else who pretended to be my friend are calling me pathetic, behind my back and in front of my face."  
"Meredith.I want more than anything for Mcdreamy to walk through that door."  
"Derek!" I shouted. "He's name is Derek not Mcdreamy as you all call him. Even though he is sort of dreamy."  
"Can I finish please?" she interupted.  
"Oh Yes, I'm sorry Go on. Continue."  
"Meredith, I am your friend and it pains me to say this but let him go! Move on. He is not worth your tears."  
"I can't let him go Cristina"  
"And why not."  
"Cause I love him, i don't know how it happened but it just did. Even if he doesn't pick me. I have a right to know why and what he wants."  
The doors of Joe's opened up again and caught a glimpse of Derek walking in. He was wearing a long pea coat. He looked through the crowded bar searching for something and it was then I realized that it was me. What I was hoping was never gonna happen might just. He set his eyes on me and smiled. Those dimples always made me weak in the knees. He made his way over to the bar.  
"I can't believe he showed, I guess you win." Cristina said as she excused herself. She nodded towards Derek's way and went back to her table and joined George and Izzy. They all set there eyes on us and watched every move we took. Like we were a movie screen and they were the audience.  
"Hey." He finally managed to say.  
"Your late, very late." I said as i sat back down on the bar stool.  
"I know. I had to come Meredith. I owed it to you."  
I looked past Derek to my friends who were staring beyond staring. They were like vultures prying on food. I grabbed Derek's arm to signal him to move. He saw the reaction that my eyes had across the room and quickly turned around and saw my friends look down. Pretending like they weren't staring.  
"Ah and audience." He smirked.  
"Let's talk over here."  
We grabbed a table and sat down. I signaled with my hands for my friends to disappear but i knew they would never fully go away.  
"I'm glad you came." I smiled. I moved my hand to take his as he back away.  
"I can't stay." He said looking down at the table.  
"What do you mean you can't stay? You just got here. You're hear aren't you? That means you chose me right? I'm the one you want to be with right? Not Addison?...Derek?"  
Derek was still staring down at the table not once pulling his head up to look at me. Like he was ashamed.  
"I can't do this, I'm sorry." He said as he still looked down at the table.  
"Derek, Look at me please."  
"I can't be with you Meredith." He said as he finally looked up at me.  
"Then why are you here?" I said as the tears welled up in my eyes. I knew I was going to break at any minute.  
"I felt like I needed to tell you in person. Addison is my wife of 11 years. Thats 11 years of Thanksgivings, Christmases, Birthdays. She is my family and I can't just walk away from that like nothing matters."  
"So i don't matter?"  
"I didn't say that. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. But Addison is my wife and she made a mistake. I do not know if I can ever forgive her for what she's done but I still feel the need to at least try. It probably makes no sense to you right now, how can I be with a woman tat hurt me the way she has. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear right now, But please believe me when I tell you that I'm sorry and that i never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry Meredith..." He said as he started to get up until I grabbed his hand.  
" No, wait, don't go." I pleaded. Right then and there I really did sound pathetic.Grabbing his hand that tightly with that much force.  
"I have to. I need to leave right now. Another minute here will only make matters worse. I know you don't understand why but i have to go." He let go of my hand and got up and started to walk away.  
"I love you." I said.  
Derek stopped and just stayed for a minute before turning around.  
"I know, I love you too. I'm sorry." He gave me a half smile before walking out the door and out of my life forever. I sat there for a minute before Cristina, Izzy, and George came over.  
"What happened?" Cristina said as she out her hand around my arm.  
"He's gone, he walked out."  
"We saw that, but what happened?" Izzy said.  
"He didn't pick me".  
TBC


End file.
